Quietening The Inner Critic
Urban Eco Sep 3, 2015
by Janette Ward
Hello Urbanites, I hope you are well. This month I want to share about the inner critic, the voice in our heads that tells us we are not good enough and lots of other negative things. We will look at where the inner critic comes from and look at ways to try and tame it.
The inner critic becomes part of our character structure very early in our lives. Even in the most loving and supportive families, parents or care givers are not perfect and cannot be there for their children 100% of the time. The parents or care givers are bound to get upset, angry, sad or depressed some of the time and since the infant cannot distinguish itself from its environment, it internalises the message that something is wrong and believes that there is something wrong with itself.
This core of self-judgement continues to grow along with the child. As the child grows older and interacts with peers, he/she may receive negativity from others, which can embed the sense of unworthiness even deeper.
As a result we all end up with an inner critic, its ferocity depends on our upbringing, temperament, constitution and the nature of the impacts.
When you feel discouraged, depressed and self-hating, your critic has you in it’s grips. It’s impossible to feel good about yourself when there is a voice in your head continually telling you what you’re doing is wrong or how bad you are.
Would you want a friend who was constantly critical of you; blamed you for everything that went wrong; put you down no matter what you did; kept a running tally of all your failures and beat you up for even the smallest mistakes?
It is near impossible to stop the inner critic altogether, but what you can do is to ‘Quieten It’ and like any wild beast, it must be done carefully and consistently.
Once you’ve quietened your inner critic, you’ll feel lighter and freer than ever before. You’ll have the courage and confidence to embark on any new adventure.
Looking at ways to quieten the inner critic:-
There are some mistaken beliefs about the inner critic. One is that if you do not have the inner critic to goad you into action, then you will be totally lazy and not accomplish anything. Another is that without it you will become amoral or go around killing or stealing. If your inner critic came from a religious source, then your mistaken belief maybe that you are a sinner if you do not listen to it.
When you acknowledge the blessings in your life, you quieten the critic and when it is at your service instead of against you, it gives a tremendous amount of power.
If you are interested in attending a Quietening The Inner Critic workshop, please do not hesitate to contact me [email protected] or look at my website www.circleswork.co.uk
Urban Eco Sep 3, 2015
by Janette Ward
Hello Urbanites, I hope you are well. This month I want to share about the inner critic, the voice in our heads that tells us we are not good enough and lots of other negative things. We will look at where the inner critic comes from and look at ways to try and tame it.
The inner critic becomes part of our character structure very early in our lives. Even in the most loving and supportive families, parents or care givers are not perfect and cannot be there for their children 100% of the time. The parents or care givers are bound to get upset, angry, sad or depressed some of the time and since the infant cannot distinguish itself from its environment, it internalises the message that something is wrong and believes that there is something wrong with itself.
This core of self-judgement continues to grow along with the child. As the child grows older and interacts with peers, he/she may receive negativity from others, which can embed the sense of unworthiness even deeper.
As a result we all end up with an inner critic, its ferocity depends on our upbringing, temperament, constitution and the nature of the impacts.
When you feel discouraged, depressed and self-hating, your critic has you in it’s grips. It’s impossible to feel good about yourself when there is a voice in your head continually telling you what you’re doing is wrong or how bad you are.
Would you want a friend who was constantly critical of you; blamed you for everything that went wrong; put you down no matter what you did; kept a running tally of all your failures and beat you up for even the smallest mistakes?
It is near impossible to stop the inner critic altogether, but what you can do is to ‘Quieten It’ and like any wild beast, it must be done carefully and consistently.
Once you’ve quietened your inner critic, you’ll feel lighter and freer than ever before. You’ll have the courage and confidence to embark on any new adventure.
Looking at ways to quieten the inner critic:-
- Firstly recognize when your inner critic is attacking you, get to know how it sounds, what is the emotional tone, is it repetitive, what is its favourite message that keeps repeating over and over in your head?
- It is essential to cultivate a compassionate attitude toward yourself, treating yourself like you would your best friend. It helps to talk to yourself with a nurturing voice and the more you use your nurturing voice, the stronger it will become. This voice will reassure you when you feel overwhelmed, give you a lift when you need it, encourage you to take some time when you need it and put your expectations and those of others in perspective. Using positive affirmations can help, for example, ‘I am always good enough’ or ‘I deserve to be happy’ or ‘’I trust myself’ or ’I make the right choices every time’
- Create separation from your inner critic, give it a silly name, refuse to accept the attack – say STOP or SNUP (serves no useful purpose)
- Acknowledge it, make a friend of it, so when it attacks you, say hello to it, don’t take it seriously. If you can find a way to be amused by its presence, it will lose its power
- Remember that you are bigger than your inner critic, imagine it small and insignificant and imagine making it disappear.
- Develop creative tactics using, humour, derision, deflection, indignation, anger, compassion etc
There are some mistaken beliefs about the inner critic. One is that if you do not have the inner critic to goad you into action, then you will be totally lazy and not accomplish anything. Another is that without it you will become amoral or go around killing or stealing. If your inner critic came from a religious source, then your mistaken belief maybe that you are a sinner if you do not listen to it.
When you acknowledge the blessings in your life, you quieten the critic and when it is at your service instead of against you, it gives a tremendous amount of power.
If you are interested in attending a Quietening The Inner Critic workshop, please do not hesitate to contact me [email protected] or look at my website www.circleswork.co.uk