The Road to Liking Myself
Urban Eco Jun 3, 2015
by Janette Ward
Hello Urbanites,
Following April’s column, I have been asked how I have developed a healthy relationship with myself.
The truth is that I grew up in a family knowing I was loved but that was not enough for me to feel I was a worthwhile person. I was aware many times throughout my life that I didn’t value or like myself very much.
I found going through the education system challenging, to friends I imagine I appeared confident and outspoken but the truth was that I so desperately wanted to be liked, and like everyone else I would have betrayed anyone or anything to fit in.
Experiencing depression was a major turning point in my life, up to that point I was always looking outside myself for validation, from that point it changed and I made a promise to myself to be always true to myself whatever the cost.
The changes began to take place with me acknowledging my core beliefs and about taking actions.
The beliefs are:-
Belief in God; That everyone is a unique, amazing human being, so I must be too; That I am here on this earth for a reason and that is to serve; Having compassion for others because we all carry pain; That good will come out of everything that happens; That we all deserve to be happy and the belief that everything happens for a reason.
There are lots of things I do:-
How did I know when my self-esteem was healthy:-
As you know, my life hasn’t always been like that, I have previously experienced years of depression. I have learnt that working on getting to know and like myself is vitally important to me being a loving, healthy, happy human being.
Like Oscar Wilde said ‘
Urban Eco Jun 3, 2015
by Janette Ward
Hello Urbanites,
Following April’s column, I have been asked how I have developed a healthy relationship with myself.
The truth is that I grew up in a family knowing I was loved but that was not enough for me to feel I was a worthwhile person. I was aware many times throughout my life that I didn’t value or like myself very much.
I found going through the education system challenging, to friends I imagine I appeared confident and outspoken but the truth was that I so desperately wanted to be liked, and like everyone else I would have betrayed anyone or anything to fit in.
Experiencing depression was a major turning point in my life, up to that point I was always looking outside myself for validation, from that point it changed and I made a promise to myself to be always true to myself whatever the cost.
The changes began to take place with me acknowledging my core beliefs and about taking actions.
The beliefs are:-
Belief in God; That everyone is a unique, amazing human being, so I must be too; That I am here on this earth for a reason and that is to serve; Having compassion for others because we all carry pain; That good will come out of everything that happens; That we all deserve to be happy and the belief that everything happens for a reason.
There are lots of things I do:-
- Journaling, writing down how I feel, reflecting on my life
- Using positive Affirmations, I use them every day, we can only think one thought a day, why not choose for it to be a positive one
- Spending time with nourishing friends
- Reading self-help books
- Saying yes to new opportunities
- Spending time alone, reflecting on my life, decisions, motivations etc feels as vital to me as breathing.
- Forgiveness work – for 50 days, write out 50 statements I forgive .....
doing this was a major turning point for me and I quickly realised that the one person I needed to forgive was myself. Doing this work was heart opening and meant that I believe I have infinite value, just like you. Now I find it easy to feel love and care for others, without needing them to be anything other than who they are. - Keep a compliments diary, when you are paid a compliment write it down, who said it and when, then when you are feeling rubbish, read it
- Do work I love – I gave up a secure reasonably well paid job that made me unhappy and didn’t fit with my values for an insecure poorly paid job that I loved, it’s true it was scary, but I knew that if I didn’t make the change I would pay a very high price. I fortunately live quite simply so managed on a lower budget and got up in a morning looking forward to the day’s work ahead and that is invaluable.
- The work I do is supporting others like myself to achieve and sustain good mental and emotional health
- I make decisions based on my intuition my gut feelings, they are always right and as a result I trust myself.
- I have a spiritual practice of daily meditation, meditation, mindfulness, focusing, journeying, being in nature and communicating with God.
- I look after myself well, I have a good sleep routine, eat healthy and do yoga, walk, dance, play badminton and swim regularly.
- I have written about my strengths, qualities and achievements. We all have them and it is very important to acknowledge them, we are too often quick to acknowledge our limits and challenges.
- Finally having an attitude of gratitude and noticing the big things and the little things to be grateful for, sometimes waking up, breathing, being a human being, having wonderful people in my life .....
How did I know when my self-esteem was healthy:-
- I stopped comparing myself with others because this is a toxic behaviour, I either feel superior or inferior – yuk!
- I realised that my opinion about me was more important than others about me
- Decision making was much easier
- I enjoyed my own company more
- I easily forgave myself when I made mistakes
- I found the courage to try new things
- I was more confident.
As you know, my life hasn’t always been like that, I have previously experienced years of depression. I have learnt that working on getting to know and like myself is vitally important to me being a loving, healthy, happy human being.
Like Oscar Wilde said ‘